Well, I think he was safe at second, but it was very close. (Pinky and Baravelli sit down, kiss the girls on either side of them, accidentally kiss each other, start a fight, then sit down again) Now, let us go on with our lecture. (Baravelli gives the professor an apple, Pinky gives him a watermelon) Now all you need is a bowl of cherries.Įr- find yourselves a couple of seats. Come in, dunces! (Baravelli and Pinky enter) Here they are- ten cents a dunce. Do you have two empty dunce seats in here? 'Cause I got two empty-headed dunces in the hall. President, this is indeed an honor! What brings you here?Ī bicycle, but I left it in the hallway. (enters a biology classroom) Have they started sawing a woman in half yet?
Is Roth out there, too? Tell Roth to wax the Dean for a while. Bring your dog around, and I'll give him a bonus, too. Well, in that case, I'll raise you to $8,000. $5,000 a year, but we've never been paid. Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. He says he's tired of cooling his heels out here. The Dean of Science wants to know how soon you can see him.
Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.īut Professor. Where would this college be without football? Have we got a stadium? Oh, you do, do you? Well, you're wrong again. What I meant to say was that there's too much football and not enough education. Oh, I'm right, am I? Well, I'm not right. The trouble is, we're neglecting football for education. Hey, what-sa matter, you no understand English? You can't come in here unless you say 'swordfish.' Now I'll give you one more guess.
Well-a, sometimes I take-a aspirin, sometimes I take-a calomel. Hey you crazy! Sturgeon, he's a doctor cuts you open when-a you sick. I'm fine too, but you can't come in unless you give the password.Īw, no! You gotta tell me. Just when I tell you to go, you leave me! You know you can't leave a schoolroom without raising your hand no matter where you're going. So that's what they taught you in college. Leave your name and address with the girl outside, and if anything turns up we'll get in touch with you.Where you going? I don't want to talk to you again about this, you snob. There isn't, huh? Then you're crazy to fool around with her. There's nothing wrong between me and the college widow. Sometimes I went without my supper and didn't go to bed at all! A college widow stood for something in those days. Twelve years in one college! I went to three colleges in twelve years and fooled around with three college widows! When I was your age, I went to bed right after supper. What's all this talk I hear about you fooling around with the college widow? No wonder you can't get out of college. You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. My boy, you took the words right out of my mouth. If these are your shoes, the least you could do was have them cleaned.ĭad, let me congratulate you. Oh, is that what I stepped in? I wondered what it was. President Wagstaff, now that you've stepped into my shoes. Pull over to the side of the road there and let me see your marriage license. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? Why don't you go home to your wife? I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. You just said that! That's the trouble around here: talk, talk, talk! Oh, sometimes I think I must go mad. I said the students would appreciate a brief outline of your plans for the future. I am sure the students would appreciate a brief outline of your plans for the future. Would you mind getting up so I can see the son rise? So, doing your homework in school, eh? Who'll say 76? Who'll say 17 76? That's the spirit! 1776!
Any questions? Any answers? Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? Any rags? Let's have some action around here. Things kept going from bad to worse but we all put our shoulders to the wheel and it wasn't long before I was flat on my back again. The last college I presided over, things were slightly different. As I look over your eager faces, I can readily understand why this college is flat on its back. And that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard this speech. Members of the faculty, faculty members, students of Huxley and Huxley students - I guess that covers everything.